OK so they had bad childhoods. Whatever. By all accounts and by today’s standards I guess I could say the same thing. My parents spanked me A LOT. Now they’d say it was child abuse, it wasn’t. That’s just excuses and holds no water for me AND is a total waste of time and energy. GROW THE F… UP I want to scream at all these people tearing other peoples lives apart.
The Cinderella thing and how women put more into the fantasy then men. Perfis afrointroductions That was her all the way. She made the fantasy happen. I think she pursued this clown with enthusiasm. She idealized him in her mind, exaggerating all the good points about him and dismissing all of the bad. At the same time she dismissed all of the good in our marriage…re-wrote our history to justify her actions. The sad thing is she doesn’t realize it.
You are so right about him too. He is a POS loser! She was an idiot to fall for his crap. But she wanted him too so it wasn’t so much her buying his line of crap…she was pursuing him as well. She wanted what I provided…security, family…etc. She also wanted the fantasy of him. She wanted everything and because of her selfishness…she felt entitled to it.
Funny thing…OM dumped my ex after I divorced her. OM’s wife ended up divorcing him as well. They were now both divorced and free to see each other without any worries but he still dumped her…interesting.
My wife reached out to the OM (her first love) and put all of her energy into the EA instead of our marriage
And yes TryingHard, I do consider myself very lucky that she snapped out of it right away and was truly remorseful, regretful, and recommitted to our marriage. My wife has admitted to wanting her cake and eating it as well, but things quickly fell into perspective once her EA was exposed. The OM was cheating on his wife as well … I told my wife she could go to him, but said that she didn’t want him then once the fantasy was over.
The EA portion of my ex’s affair is actually what killed our marriage…not the PA. As a man, the PA is what drove me crazy with mind movies…and still does. The thought of her with another man is devastating to say the least and knowing it went on for over 1 1/2 years…excruciating! The EA is what really destroyed us as a couple. The emotions and intimacy of her affair changed her forever and her her lack of commitment afterward sealed the deal. I don’t feel she will ever be the same. That is why I finally gave up and filed. I could not stay with her and expect to receive anything more than scraps of intimacy or honesty in the foreseeable future.
I find myself being jealous of betrayed spouses that had CS’s that returned to the marriage with real remorse. Isn’t that sad that I would have settled for that? Of course I’m sure we would have all preferred no affair at all.
Because though he was trying, the only things he could talk back then was how awful ow feels because he left her, how perfect relationship they had, etc
Decimated, It has not really been easy road, because truth to be said, in my case, after d-day my h left to live with ow. After he finally decided to reconcile, it has been another kind of nightmare. etc. It is not easy, it requires patience, and strong belief that all will be fine.
